To close out my otherwise slow day, I decided to do a little web surfing, and I came across a Miss Manners column from last October.
In it, a 60-year-old gentleman wrote:
[Men] don’t like [wedding and baby showers], and we don’t want to go to them. We all complain about it among ourselves, but none of us has the testosterone-makers to tell the women at the office to leave us off the guest list.
How do we get the message out?
Here’s a segment of Miss Manners’ response with which I wholeheartedly agree (emphasis mine):
Make it a workplace issue. The case you should make is that personal celebrations (which includes birthdays as well as marriages and births) should not be celebrated in the office. Unlike retirement or promotion parties, they do not relate to work matters and should be celebrated with friends on their own time. Colleagues who have become friends will presumably want to be involved, but those with merely a working relationship should not be conscripted.
I’m in the midst of a similar situation. A woman (that I don’t know or work with) from another department is expecting. Another woman, from the same department as the one who is expecting, went around the office to collect money for an office gift. I declined, on the grounds I don’t know the mom-to-be well enough to justify a contribution. The collection woman decided to keep badgering me to contribute anyway, and when I declined again she said she’d come back to see me tomorrow.
It would be different if it was someone I was close to personally or professionally. My boss, for example, is also expecting and is due in July. If my department decided to put together a collection for a gift for her, certainly I’d put in. We not only have a close working relationship, but we’ve done things socially outside of work. Contributions from other people should be welcome of course, but not forced.
Me contributing to a gift for my boss would be meaningful. Me contributing to a gift for someone I don’t know because I was badgered into it is a hollow gesture.
3 responses so far ↓
1 Munkee // Feb 22, 2008 at 12:28 am
I can completely agree with that.
My office is small (80 people), and though we all work in our own separate departments, everyone knows everyone. And there are office baby showers and wedding congratulations. But there’s no pressure to be involved. I just happen to work with a lot of people that love to party.
Now if we could just find a better caterer.
2 Romach // Feb 22, 2008 at 12:41 pm
I can completely understand buddy. I used to work in a place were collections for various things were taking place nearly everyday. I was nice to begin with then I didn’t see why I had to contribute to collections for people I did not know either. What gets my back up is when people pursue constantly for money for these collections. I think maybe its just better to explode in front of them and scream NO F**KING WAY!! That might help in getting the message across.
3 Brian // Feb 25, 2008 at 7:59 am
I definitely agree. My current office is pretty tolerable about it. We used to hold a monthly, but now once a quarter, birthday celebration. They get some cakes and sodas and snacks and we all head to a room, non-mandatory, and chow down and chat for a bit. Otherwise my office is content to use e-mail when it comes to arranging parties and collections for same outside your own group.
I sort of brought the “party” vibe to my web team, however we’d take it outside to a nice place for lunch out or a happy hour for birthdays and impending babies or weddings. And no team member that doesn’t wish to join us or participate ever gets pressured to do so.